I am safe

I am loved

And I am married

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Saturday 18th May

Today my mind is on Phonics, I want to restart my class but I’m worried no one will show up.

feel the fear and do it anyway right

I’ve had such a long break I don’t know weather I’m coming or going.

It’s Ramadan and I am unsure weather a 10 clock start will work for most.

It works for me. But do I need to be more flexible to accommodate my clients. Either way it’s an opportunity to learn what works best.

I want to keep the class at 10 because I have other commitment and I dont want to loss more hours in the day. I’m up from 4am and the later the class the less energy I have. Plus I have to think about managing my children, my husband, and Jayden. It also my husband time too as his left holding the baby instead of working.

It’s the time I invest which causes the greatest difficult. I am almost starting to feel resentfull. I really don’t enjoy the business part of the session advertising, organising, sorting out insurance, communicating with venue, sorting out the costing, buying resources.

I only really enjoy teaching the session and coming up with different games and activities to capture the children attention. Thats what I enjoy and love doing but everything else is annoying and a time consuming but equally important task.

I don’t want to spend another few hours modifying a flyer.

I don’t want to spend a second wasting my time printing advertising and promoting the session.

And I don’t want to spend time looking for insurance.

Debating price structure is not something I enjoy.

I want to spend my time doing what I love and enjoy. Educating my children and having fun.

I also feel crippled by not knowing what to do. Do I raise the prices and make the class more sustainable or do I keep running at a loss.

I want to be able to invest more into classes, but I am also thinking it will never be a business if I keep pouring my funds into it and I’m not able to get any of my finances back.

I think I’m struggling in the managing the finance. Or running it smoothly.

I want to run the classes with love and compassion. My main aim is to teach and inspire my little learner and their parents but at what cost.

How long am I going to run at a loss. Now I’m almost thinking I started this class because I wanted to teach Jenelle Phonic with her friends.

Nothing changed

U must keep this goal in mind

Decision decision

Hmm..

Decision decision

1. Cost

I want to keep the cost affordable to the parents who need it most. But I also want to be able to buy the resource and cover the running fees for the class.

£4 per classes if booked termly or £5 one off. (Blocks of 6)

First trail session is £2.

2. Time

10-10:45

3. Venue

BFC for now as I am able to keep my resource there and it works for me with location being so close to home with childcare.

4.Structure

Start again or continue where I am. I’m continuing where I am. I’m going to devote more time to recap so learner can join in.

5.Start Date

Hmm

6.Booking

booking at the start

7.Registion form

Paper work paper work. Ideally I would like to have an information pack for new parent. Registration form, term and condition ( your child your responsibility ) and welcome letter telling the parents a little bit about me and phonics.

Thursday 16th May

5.35 am I need to get up soon to go gym. I’m still not enjoying the morning routine of exercising but I’m doing it. Looking forward to tomorrow so I can complete the week.

I’ve lost count of what day it is but it is what it is.

Just keep stepping forward.

Only 13 hours after deciding not to be sick I end up in A&E with both girls.

This must be some kind of test to see how strong my faith really is. Today got off to a good start but the cheerful mode soon changed when Jenelle woke up screaming. She cried for one hour my husband said and by the look on his face, I could tell he was stressed.

I picked her up and she was boiling hot, happy to be in my arms and calmed down instantly. She refuses to let me put her down so I held her close to me whilst I ate lunch.

I thought I better take her to the doctors since I had already found out I had a bacterial infection in my lungs since returning from holiday. The doc did say I should get the children checked if I was considered.

Two hours later we are seen by the walk-in clinic. She takes her temperature and goes into the panic mode it’s 40.6. She starts raising her voice why haven’t you given her carpal. She needs it straight away. She checks her ears and throat and gets on the phone to call reception to call an ambulance.

I don’t what they say on the other end of the phone but she tells us the wait time is 2-6 hours and we should make our own way there immediately.

She almost annoyed that we are not moving as fast As she is and we don’t seem to share her concerns. She actually swears in her frustration at the long wait time.

I wonder if she’s a rookie ( junior Doctor). Because I feel like I need to have a supervision session with her on professional manners.

Anyway, at one point we did start to get into a heated debate until I caught myself and decided it’s not worth my time.

She checked the baby quickly and said the babies fine but she extremely concerned about Jenelle she has an ear infection but she also suspects something else.

20 minutes later we are in our uber moment away from the hospital and the baby starts projectile vomiting all over the car and my husband.

The driver stops immediately he ask my husband to get out. We try our best to clean up the car the baby my husband and our stuff. I jump out and help with the clean up mission my husband is covered in it.

Then I hear the driver scream something and I realise Jenelle is also about to be sick. Sitting alone in the back of the car.

I take her out and join the vomit party. The smell is horrendous that properly why we were both sick.

It feels like something out of a comedy sketch. But I felt more like crying than laughing. Seeing and smell the vomit all of my Husband was sickening literally.

He’s so good I would I have turned around and went home in another cab he said he will stay and clean himself up at the hospital.

His amazing don’t want to leave me with two young children,

Now we are home antibiotics and few more projectiles and we are tucked up in bed.

What an evening.

Who’s Sick not me!!!!

Today I’m refusing to be sick. I don’t care what the doctor says I am fit and well. My body maybe fighting an infection but I refuse to be sick.

Life is to important to waste feeling sorry for myself. So today I choose to get up dust myself off and move on.

So it might be a little bit slower then normal but that’s ok. I will be extra kind to myself but, I refuse to sit still and be sick. It’s not in my personality of belief system to be sick. I Dont believe God gave me this body to lay down and wollow in my own self-pity.

So today I bounce back and live the life I choose to live.

My children and my callings are way too important to mope around.

I have Phonic, cooking, painting, housework, garden, finance, home ed, business stuff and admin to take care of. Not to mention my family and self care.

”By his stripes I am healed” that’s what the Bible says and that’s what I believe, God has my health covered.

I’m going to take my antibiotics not to sure about the pump and keep it moving. I really have to listen to my body and I know that it will heal with love and patients.

The next time someone asks me how I am I’m doing my response is ”fantastic ”.

Today is going to be a productive healthy day.

I think I will take Jayden to breakfast find somewhere quite to beat him at chess a few times. Bonding and chocolate crepe that’s bound to put a smile on his face. If I can find oatmeal porridge and herbal tea I will be smiling too.

Wednesday 8th May

It is 6.07 am and I’m on the way to the gym. It’s raining and I can think of a million other things I can be doing right now instead of sitting on the bus going to the gym.

Day 2 and I’m just happy I made it out the house. Yesterday motivation to get FIT seems a million miles away but I’m going to keep showing up regardless. G