The Moment I realised my mother was the Abuser… years later

I’m really confused at the moment because until recently I was very happy with my life.  Iv always known that I don’t remember much about my childhood but Iv come to accept that.  Iv also always know that I was sexually abuse/ molested around age ten which I been able put behind me.  But recently I was put in a situation whilst working on placement which left me scared and frighten as someone was shouting at me.  Since then I have had consistent flashback and nightmare about being physically and emotional abused by my mother.  That  feeling of fearing for your life and feeling helpless is overwhelming me.  Recently I feel like I don’t know who I am.  
A few days ago I remember having sexual intercourse with a man I thought was my friend when I was in primary school.  I’m 26 now and after all these year I don’t know why now I choose to remember it.  
I don’t feel hurt or upset about it at all.  What bothers   me most is the feeling of fear I remember walking home believing I was going to be physically punished    For not staying in the park.
I keep asking myself am I going crazy ?  Why is my mind haunting me now?  
I feel stuck and lost and I’m starting to think that my past is catching up on me.  
I’ve started to make connections to my life now how I lack trust and have difficult in intimate relationship due to my horrible childhood.  
What’s scares me most is I’m a mum and I have a 3 year old to look after.   Suddenly my son the only thing keeping me going knowing his solely relying on me.  And not wanting to let him down.  
I’m also really angry at my self for become so overwhelmed by my resent memory that I have not gone to university or work and allowed myself to stay in bed all day.  I badly want to turn the clock back but I know thats not possible.  Tomorrow I will go to university and find a way to smile through the pain because I know sitting at home doesn’t help. 
Well writing this e-mail making me feel slightly stupid for e-mailing a stranger.  But at the same time it feels grate to finally be able to tell someone.  
From. Jade