Mum

Mum 11/7/2019

It appears we have some talking to do. I am sorry if my words have offended you or hurt you in any way that was not my intention.

For as long as I can remember writing was my main outlet and the only place I felt truly free to be myself.

I’ve found it helpful to write about the event and the situations and circumstances I have experienced. It helped me live and move pass the areas I have struggled with. Somethings I don’t tell anyone only myself and my words.

When I write I generally put my heart and soul on the page and I haven’t considered my audience in telling my story. I have written various segments of my childhood and adult life at a different period in my life.

Most of the time I can’t re-read what I have written about because of it too painful and I refuse to go back there. I want to forget about all the things I can’t smile about but somehow my mind has a plan of its own.

I never intended to share it with anyone. They were my private journals my inner deepest truths. The truths that I avoid most of the time because I find them painful and I’m unwilling to deal with them. Writing to me has been a form of medicine someway if letting go of the stuff I don’t want to hold on too.

I’m sorry if my words caused you pain, I didn’t consider anyone other then needs to overcome some of my thoughts in the only way I knew how. Writing is more than an expression, it’s more than a voice. It literally one of the things that saved my adult life.

I’ve had my fear share of ups and down and writing has been my safe space, where I am free to just breath cry laugh be angry and release what Evers on my mind.

I generally don’t read what I write. I don’t edit it, I don’t change I just let it be.

I have thousands of words written in different places mostly hidden from the public eye. I made some of my journals public this year as means helping others and I guess myself.

I didn’t expect my family to read it. If I’m honest it never even crossed my mind.

I thought my blog was a tiny dot in the big ocean. Little did I realise I open my private box and now we are here.

I don’t know how to feel about what I have done. Opening my personal library of my life up like that is something I have to deal with. Either way, it’s done now.

I’ve always felt compelled to write a book about my life but I’ve never had the courage to begin.

I don’t even know what to say to you.

First, I love and have always loved you. I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.

There have been times when I have hated you but even then I still loved you.

I don’t harbour any Bad feelings towards you because I had to let them go to move forward with my life.

There have been times in my life when I have had lots of questions for you but I buried them many years ago.

When I had my children my focus shifted and my priorities changed quickly. I’m an adult now and my goal is to be the best wife mother women and person I can be.

I forgive you and I want you to move on with your life and be happy. Life is to short to dwell on the past. You have to accept it and move on.

We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. I put my head up and say I have made hundreds of error in my adult life. I take full responsibility for my action and strive to do better.

I would like you to be a part of my life, my children’s and husband. BUT only if you allow us to raise our children the way we see fit.

We as a married couple don’t want to be undermined. I don’t want Jayden given mixed messages and taught he doesn’t have to listen to us.

If you want to be part of our life you are going to have to respect our opinions and parenting choices.

We are not going to agree on lots of things and that’s fine. We can agree to disagree but when it comes to parenting our children you are going to have to learn to step back and respect our position as their parents.

Your daughter