So I’ve been on a wild goose chase around the whole of England only to land flat on my face. Hoping wishing and secretly praying that today was going to be my day. The day I get to hear a voice at the end of a phone. The day I have been longing and wishing for. But instead the only sound I hear is my heart beating fast with disappointment and frustration. That can only mean one thing I’ve been tricked.
My mind has allowed myself to be taken away somewhere humiliatingly painful. At least this time I’ve only bruises my knee and not busted my face open. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity.
Looking for my father is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Why don’t I have a name … Only god himself is going to have to bring him to me.
God I am trusting you and leaving my burdens at your feet.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman 